
TSDENISON & COMPANY 
PMKHERS CHICAGO 



DENISOIVS ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lar^e Catalogue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



DRAMAS. COMEDIES, ENTER- 
TAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1 J4 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2y 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2 T / 2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl, 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 7 4 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2y 2 hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

1 Ya, hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs ... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

2 S A hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4' acts, 2J4 hrs; 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2 ^ hrs 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Etma, 1 H hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, 1H h.(35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 1 y 2 hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 2Y 2 hrs (25c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

\y 2 hrs ..(25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish) , 2 acts, lyih.S 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs. (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2y 2 

hrs. (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, 1 54 hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jayyille Junction, \y 2 hrs.(2Sc)14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P.,^+ afcts, 

2y 2 hrs X2?c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart's Co*riifcnt, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, r 

\y 2 hrs (25c) 10 



M. F. 

Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts,^_2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

\3/a, hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

\% hrs (2Sc)12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1J4 hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1 J4 hrs. . 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 % hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2!4h.8 3 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, \y 2 hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 J4 

hrs 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2y 2 

hrs ..(25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h..(2Sc) 6 4 

Trip to Storyland, lji hrs. (25c) 17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min. 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min .... 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min.. 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min ... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice. 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



COUNTESS KATE 



A PLAYLET 



KATHERINE KAVANAUGH 

la 

AUTHOR OF 

" When the Worm Turned," " Who's a Coward," "The Queen of 

Diamonds " "A Minister Pro Tern," and 

' ' Under Blue Skies . ' ' 



CHICAGO 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 
Publishers 



.5352.1 
COUNTESS KATE 



CHARACTERS. 

Chuck Rogers College Coach 

Bud Sayles . : His Star Pupil 

Maxwell . The Detective 

Countess Kate The Girl 



Place — Chuck's Rooms on Top Floor. 



Time— 8 :30 P. M. 



Time of Playing — About Twenty-five Minutes. 

This playlet was first produced in vaudeville by Beatrice 
Ingram & Co., July, 1911, at Albany, N. Y. 



Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the author, who may be ad- 
dressed in care of the Publishers. 



COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 
2 

©OLD 30567 



COUNTESS KATE. 3 

STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Chuck Rogers, a college coach, and Bud Sayles, his star 
pupil, are in Chuck's room on the top floor, which is fitted 
up with much of the paraphernalia generally found in a 
gymnasium. The boys are engaged in athletic work and 
Bud is recounting his experience of the day before. In the 
park he saw a beautiful girl alone in an automobile, who 
was having difficulty in starting the machine. He gallantly 
offered his assistance and in a few minutes she was on her 
way. He was taken with her beauty and manner and felt 
he had made some impression, but failed to learn either 
her name or address. As he is regretting this fact the girl 
enters unannounced, supposedly from the roof, through 
the skylight off stage. With a startled look of recognition 
she quickly states that of late her husband has been afflicted 
with brief attacks of insanity, and that a few moments ago, 
while in their room in a nearby hotel, he became a raving 
maniac and had threatened to kill her. She had jumped 
from the window to an adjoining roof and had found their 
skylight open, hence her sudden appearance. She thought 
he was purusing her and fearing he had seen her drop into 
the opening and would follow, she requests the boys to 
capture him and hold him, if possible, until he regains his 
senses. She assures them that the spell will be of short 
duration and not to heed his remarks, as he has an hallu- 
cination that she is a noted thief and he a detective in 
pursuit of her. The boys, cheerfully agree and at that in- 
stant Maxwell, a detective, enters from the skylight. They 
follow her instructions, paying little attention to his expla- 
nations until after the girl has escaped, when they discover 
that she is Countess Kate, a noted jewel thief, whereupon 
both agree with Maxwell that they are two genuine "boobs." 

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Bud and Chuck — Are young athletic fellows of good 
build ; wear sweaters. 

Maxwell — A man of thirty-five; wears plain business 
snit. 



4 COUNTESS KATE. 

Countess Kate — A woman of twenty-five or thirty ; may 
wear either a handsome evening gown with cloak or a 
becoming street costume. She carries a fancy bag large 
enough to hold the articles she steals. 

PROPERTIES. 

Sofa pillows with college colors, pennants, fencing foils, 
oars, a punching bag, boxing gloves, newspaper, revolver, 
a chest, a ladder, a towel, a rope. 



STAGE SETTING. 

Interior Back i n g 



Chest 

.Practical , 
Door r 



yi Door I V 

ChalrD I I V 

Practical Sofa with Pillows Practical 

Door Door 

/ Q Pu " chl "3 Ba 9 ChalrD I Tab ' e I \ 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter; L., left; 1 E., first entrance; U. E., upper entrance, 
etc. ; D. F., door in flat or back of the stage ; 1 G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



COUNTESS KATE 



Scene: Plainly furnished room, except for college pen- 
nants, sofa pillows, fencing foils, oars, etc. A punching 
bag, R. Practical doors, R. U. E., L. U. E. and C. When 
center door is open it shozvs an interior drop, a ladder sup- 
posedly leading to the roof; a chest or box containing 
boxing gloves. 

Discovered, as curtain rises, Chuck, punching the bag, 
R., whistling or humming some popular air. 

Bud {bangs on door, L. U. E.). Open up Chuck. Let 
me in. 

Chuck. Hello! That's Bud's gentle voice. {Crosses to 
L. U. E., throws open door.) Enter, old sport. On time as 
usual 

Enter Bud. 

Bud. On time ! You know blamed well I'm fifteen min- 
utes ahead of time. But I couldn't help it Chuck. I'm dead 
anxious to get the mitts on and return you a few of those 
solar plexus things you handed me the last time. {Throws 
his cap and coat aside, glances around the room.) Gee, old 
man, I'm stuck on this place of yours — wish I had one 
like it. , 

Ci^ucK {has opened a box of cigarettes — offers the box- 
to Bud). A little high up, don't you think? 

Bud {takes cigarette). That's what I like — nothing above 
you but the roof. Say, it's only fair to warn you. I've been 
practicing on Chalk Simpson the past two days and I've 
got a punch that will shiver your timbers. 

Chuck. Oh, is that so? Why didn't you bring Chalk 
with you? 



6 COUNTESS KATE. 

Bud. Huh ! He's laid up for repairs — won't be out for 
a week. (Struts across stage.) 

Chuck. You don't say ! And what are you going to do 
to me? 

Bud. Chuck, I don't like to brag — but when I get 
through with you the family doctor will have another job. 
Get out the mitts. 

Chuck. Get 'em yourself. You know where they are. 

Bud. Right-o ! (Starts toward C. door. Chuck makes 
a playful blow at him as he passes. Bud ducks, turns at 
C. door.) Wait, you big lobster — just wait! (Bud opens 
C. door, takes boxing gloves out of chest, whistling or sing- 
ing a popular air. Suddenly looks up over his head, as if 
at skylight, stops the song and stares in amazement, then 
enters room.) Oh, I say, Chuck, that's funny — there's a 
face at your skylight. 

Chuck (has begun to pour out a glass of water — turns 
in astonishment to look at Bud). A face at my — what? 

Bud. At your skylight as I'm a living sinner. 

Chuck. Bud, you're dippy. 

Bud (puts his hand to his head, half dased). I believe 
I am, for I could almost swear it was the face of the girl 
I saw in the park the other day. 

Chuck. Oh, the lady with the busted tire. 

Bud. It was her automobile that had the busted tire 
Her carburetor was out of order, too. 

Chuck. The automobile's? 

Bud. Of course. 

Chuck. And you lent her your assistance. 

Bud. I cranked her up and gave her a boost. 

Chuck. Pardon me, the lady or the automobile? 

Bud. The car, darn you — the car ! Why, Chuck, I fell 
dead in love with her. I wish you could have seen her. She 
was the most — 

Chuck. Yeh — I've heard all that before. 

Bud. You wait. A girl will get you one of these days, 
and when she does — 

Chuck. I hope I won't find her looking into strange 
gentlemen's skylights. 



COUNTESS KATE. 7 

Bud. Oh, it must have been my fancy. What would she 
be doing on your roof? 

Chuck. That's what I'd like to know. I don't believe 
there was anyone there. I think you are just naturally 
dippy. Come, get the gloves on and let me knock some 
sense into you. 

The boys are about to put on the gloves. Chuck is R. 
and Bud L., down stage, when the C. door is throzvn open, 
the Countess enters, closes door behind her, locks it and 
stands with her back to it. She apparently is a little out of 
breath. Boys are startled and stare at her. 

Countess. I beg your pardon, gentlemen, for this in- 
trusion. It was my only chance and I had to take it. 

Bud. The girl in the park. 

Chuck. The face at my skylight. 

Countess. I see I've startled you. 

Chuck. Oh, no ; not at all. I was only wondering why 
you preferred the skylight. Most of my callers use the 
door, but perhaps you are introducing something new in 
the balloon line — 

Bud. Stow it, Chuck. Can't you see the lady is in 
trouble. 

Chuck. Again? 

Countess {to Bud). You are right. I am in the gravest 
danger. 

Bud. In danger? Of what? 

Countess. A man. 

Chuck. Oh, is that all? Let him enter. 

Countess. Oh, no ; he must not find me. I have eluded 
him for the present, but if he discovers your open skylight, 
I'm lost. 

Bud. My dear lady, don't be frightened. I am here — 
er — don't you remember me? 

Countess {looks at him, smiles in recognition). Ah, the 
little boy in the park. 

Chuck. Little boy! Wow! 

Bud. I'm man enough to protect you, if you need me. 

Countess. You rendered me a great service that day. 



8 COUNTESS KATE. 

{Takes his hand.) Isn't it strange that I should drop in on 
you here? 

Chuck. "Drop in" is good. 

Bud. It's fate; that's what it is. Who is the man that's 
following you? 

Countess {at a loss for a second). Why — er — he is — 
my husband. 

Bud {disappointed). Husband! 

Chuck. Stung ! 

Bud {picks up book, fires it at Chuck, who ducks). Shut 
up. 

Countess. He is a maniac. 

Bud {glaring at Chuck). I know he is. 

Countess. I mean my husband. 

Bud. Insane? Why don't you get a divorce? 

Countess. I'm going to. 

Chuck. Things are looking brighter. 

Bud. If he lays his hand on you, I'll kill him. 

Chuck. Pardon me — no murders on the premises after 
six o'clock. 

Countess. He was close on my trail. If he is clever 
enough to find your skylight he will be at the door in a few 
moments. You won't let him take me, will you? {Goes ap- 
pealingly to Bud.) 

Bud {draws her affectionately to him). Take you? I'd 
like to see him try it ! 

Chuck. You won't mind if we handle him a little 
roughly, will you? 

Countess. Well, really, the doctor says it is the best 
thing for him. 

Bud. Why don't you have him locked up ? 

Countess. Because until tonight he has not been really 
dangerous. His is a peculiar case. At times he is as sane 
as either of you. 

Chuck. Well, that's not saying so much. 

Countess. Then again, without the slightest warning, 
he goes off just like that. (Snaps her fingers.) 

Bud. What sets him off? 



COUNTESS KATE. 9 

Countess. Anything — the most trivial circumstance. 
If he only wouldn't read the papers. 

Chuck. The papers? 

Countess. Yes, for instance, last week he read of the 
great success of M'lle Gabrielle Fougard, the French dancer 
at the Opera House. The paper printed a sensational story 
of her love affairs, her magnificent jewels and her extraor- 
dinary beauty. Immediately upon reading it he rushed up- 
stairs, decked himself out in my newest evening gown, and 
with a garland of artificial flowers around his neck, and my 
jewels glistening all over him, he came dancing and pranc- 
ing into the drawing room, where I was entertaining 
friends. Just fancy my embarrassment when he introduced 
himself as M'lle Fougard, the wonderful French dancer. 
(The boys double up zvith laughter — she laughs zvith them.) 

Bud. Gee ! I'd like to have been there. 

Chuck. M'lle Fougard. Wow ! 

Countess. Tonight he has been reading of some rob- 
beries in the neighborhood. Perhaps you have heard about 
them ? 

Chuck. Yes. I saw it in the Star this afternoon. They 
suspect a woman. 

Bud. Maxwell, the slickest cop in New York, is on the 
job. 

Countess. That's right. I haven't been reading it my- 
self, but my poor husband is perfectly mad about it. What 
do you suppose? He thinks he is Maxwell, the sleuth. 

Chuck. No ! 

Countess. Yes. 

Bud. Oh, go 'long. 

Countess. Upon my word. He has armed himself with 
a revolver — and (goodness only knows where he got it) 
he has a detective's star fastened inside his coat. 

Bud. Well, I'll be cornswabbled. 

Countess. Isn't it ridiculous? 

Chuck. But what part do you play in the game? 

Countess. Oh, I am supposed to be the woman he is 
pursuing. 

Bud. Well, what do you know about that! 



10 COUNTESS KATE. 

Chuck. He sure is crazy all right. 

Bud. But was it necessary to fly from him? Is he dan- 
gerous ? 

Countess; Dangerous? My dear boy, while the fit is on 
him he is absolutely in earnest. When I resisted him he 
threatened to shoot me unless I surrendered. I locked my- 
self in my room, but he forced the door. There was noth- 
ing to do but take to the roof, which I did. He was so close 
behind me that I slammed the skylight on his head. 

Chuck. Well, that ought to hold him for a while. 

Bud. Did you hurt him? 

Countess. I'm afraid not — 

Chuck. Afraid not? 

Countess. I mean I hope not. At any rate it delayed 
him for a time. I ran across the roofs until I came to your 
skylight — which was open — 

Bud. Yes ? 

Countess. And then I just dropped in. 

Chuck. I shall always leave my skylight open after this. 

Bud. You think he followed you? 

Countess. Unless he is seriously disabled he will be 
on my track. Maybe he will overlook your skylight. If not, 
he will be at that door very shortly. What are you going 
to do with him? 

Bud. Call an officer and have him locked up. 

Countess. Oh, no, no — not for the world. That wouldn't 
do at all. Think of the notoriety. Besides, he will, be over 
this mad spell in a little while, and wouldn't it be dreadful 
to find himself in a cell? 

Chuck. That's where he ought to be. He's a dangerous 
lunatic. 

Countess. But it must be done in another way. To- 
morrow I will have him examined and placed in a sanita- 
rium. Tonight we must manage him alone. 

Bud. What's the usual treatment? 

Countess. You must handle him roughly. It is the only 
way to bring him to himself. You had better secure him 
first, so that he can do no- harm. Remember, he is danger- 
ous. Have you a strong rope? 



COUNTESS KATE. 11 

Chuck (gets rope from chest). Sure. All the latest 
appliances for handling lunatics. How's that? 

Countess (tries rope). That's fine. You might have to 
gag him also. He says such terrible things. 

Bud (takes towel and folds it across his knee). I am 
beginning to look forward to a very pleasant evening. 

Chuck (picks up newspaper). Oh, by the way, here's 
a copy of the Star, with a picture of Countess Kate, the 
thief, on the front page. 

Countess (startled, grasps the paper from Chuck's 
hand). Her picture! (Looks at the picture, then smiles 
with relief.) Why, it's nothing like. 

Chuck. Nothing like — 

Countess. I mean she doesn't look anything like a 
thief. Newspaper pictures are never very good likenesses. 

Bud (looking over the Countess' shoulder). By George ! 
She's a peach. She can have anything I've got. 

Countess. How much have you got, sonny? 

Bud (laughs). Well, not much except this. (Takes pin 
from tie.) My dad gave me that on my last birthday. Ain't 
it a beauty? 

Countess (looks closely at pin). It is, indeed; worth 
three hundred, if I'm a judge. (Bud puts his pin back.) 

Chuck. She'd get better pickings from me. (Takes out 
gold watch.) Look at that; an old-timer, but worth it's 
weight in gold. Take a peep at that stone in the center. 

Countess (looks at watch). Yes, that's a very beau- 
tiful stone. You boys had better be careful with such a 
dangerous woman in the neighborhood. 

Bud. Well, say, if any woman can sneak that from me, 
she's welcome to it. 

Chuck. Sure. It's only a dub that let's a woman rob 
him. 

(A loud rap at C. door, as if someone trying to break 
lock.) 

Countess. There he is. Quick! Where shall I go? 
Chuck (runs up to R. U. E., throzvs open door). In 
here. Don't worry. We'll attend to him. (Countess exits 



12 COUNTESS KATE. 

quick R. U. E., closes door and locks it from inside. Noise 
at door continues.) 

Bud. Open up, Chuck, before he breaks the lock. 
(Chuck runs to C. door, unlocks it, throws it open.) 

Maxwell enters C, closing door behind him, stands 
with back to it, quickly sizing up the room. 

Maxwell. Who are you fellows, and whose rooms are 
these ? 

Chuck. I'm Chuck Rogers, college coach. {With a 
wave of his hand to Bud.) Bud Sayles, my star pupil. 
These are my rooms. Who are you? 

Maxwell. I'm an officer. (Bud and Chuck glance at 
each other — smother a laugh. Maxwell looks at them in 
amazement.) Anything funny about that? 

Bud. Oh, no; not at all. We're used to having the po- 
lice drop in on us through the skylight. Did you come in 
a dirigible or a biplane? 

Maxwell. I've come across the roofs on the trail of a 
woman, a thief. She was at the St. Charles Hotel tonight, 
a half block from here. She got wind that I was after her 
and made her escape to the roof. Your skylight is the only 
one that isn't fastened. There was no other way for her to 
escape. She must have come in here. 

Chuck. So you're a cop. 

Maxwell. A detective. (Shows the star.) 

Chuck (in a roar of laughter). He's got it, Bud; he's 
got it. (Points to star.) Pipe the star. 

Bud (laughing). Gee! That's a scream. 

Maxwell. See here, you young cubs. I've been trying 
to explain my breaking into your rooms, but if I had known 
you were a couple of lunatics I wouldn't have bothered. I 
am going to search your apartment. Where does that door 
lead to? (Indicates R. U. E.) 

Chuck. That's my boudoir. 

Maxwell (tries door, R. U. E.). Locked! (Glances 
through keyhole.) And from the inside. Who is in there? 
The truth, now, or I'll blow the lock. 

Chuck. We refuse to answer. 



COUNTESS KATE. 13 

Maxwell (whips out his revolver, places it to lock). 
Then here goes. 

Bud. Quick, Chuck ! (As Maxwell stoops to put re- 
volver to lock, the two boys spring on him from behind. 
The revolver drops to the floor and the boys force him into 
a chair, down stage, and bind him with the rope, keeping 
up a running talk ad lib.) 

Maxwell. What the deuce do you mean? Do you 
know what you're doing ? Interfering with an officer in the 
discharge of his duty. I'll have you pinched for this. 

Chuck (laughing). He's going to have us pinched. 

Bud. Sure, he's a cop. 

Chuck. No, Bud, no. He's a detective — a famous de- 
tective — Maxwell, I believe? (Bows to Maxwell.) 

Maxwell. Yes, I'm Maxwell. How did you know that ? 
(Chuck and Bud go off into a roar of laughter.) 

Chuck. See, Bud, he knows who he is. 

Bud. Maxwell. Gee ! That's right, old sport. Don't you 
be any cheap cop. You're the real cheese, you are. 

Maxwell. You blooming fools, you'll pay for this. 
You are harboring a criminal and interfering with an offi- 
cer. Loosen these cords or you'll be sorry. 

Countess enters, R. U. E. Comes down stage, R., and 
smiles at Maxwell. 

Chuck. Here he is, ma'am. Have we got him fixed up 
satisfactorily ? 

Countess. Perfectly. 

Maxwell (to Countess). So this is your work, eh? 

Countess. You see, gentlemen, he is still under the de- 
lusion. (To Maxwell.) My dear, it breaks my heart to 
see you like this. (Puts hand on his shoulder.) 

Maxwell. Take your hands off me. You'll pay dearly 
for this. (Countess puts her hand to her eyes as if hurt.) 

Bud. I say, now, we're not going to have this lady in- 
sulted, even if you are off your nut. Gag him, Chuck. 

Maxwell. You fellows had better go slow. That 
woman is a thief — 

Chuck (silencing him with the gag). Sure, we know. 



14 COUNTESS KATE. 

You're Maxwell, the sleuth, and I'm Desperate Des- 
mond, and my friend here is Dingbat. We are all a gang 
of thieves and cutthroats, and you are going to pinch the 
bunch. (Chuck has gagged Maxwell with towel.) 

Countess (to Maxwell, who is glaring angrily at them). 
My darling, try to calm yourself. These gentlemen are my 
friends, and I am sure you will thank them- when you come 
to your senses. (To Chuck and Bud.) He is very bad to- 
night. I dare not go back to the house. He might murder 
me. (Maxwell glares at her and mutters behind 'the 
towel.) You see how ferocious he is. I must go to a 
hotel. (Starts up stage, turns back.) Oh, I forgot. I have 
no money— I left the house so hurriedly. '(Chuck and 
Bud put their hands in their pockets.) No, no; thank you 
just the same. I am sure my poor husband has some. (Goes 
through Maxwell's vest pockets, takes roll of notes. To 
Maxwell.) My dear, after your behavior tonight I must 
have you locked up. (To Chuck and Bud.) I think I had 
better take his watch, too. It is very valuable, and he is 
not capable of taking care of it. {Takes Maxwell's watch, 
puts money and watch in her bag.) He had a revolver, too, 
hadn't he? 

Chuck (picks it from floor and gives it to her). Here 
it is. 

Countess. I must take that, too. It is too dangerous a 
weapon in the hands of a lunatic. (Maxwell mutters sav- 
agely.) Oh, dear, he is in a terrible way tonight. Just look 
at his eyes. Good-bye, darling. It breaks my heart to leave 
you. (Pretends to kiss Maxwell. The boys seem affected 
by her trouble and look dozvn at the floor. Instead of kiss- 
ing Maxwell, she makes a face at him and grins. As soon 
as the boys look her way she is all tears, puts her handker- 
chief to her eyes and turns up stage.) 

Bud. Don't take it so hard. I can't bear to see you in 
tears. 

Countess. You have been awfully kind to me, both of 
you. I shall never forget it, you dear boys. (To Chuck, 
who is down stage, R.) Good-bye; God bless you. (Sways 
as if to faint. Chuck catches her in his left arm. While he 



COUNTESS KATE. IS 

holds her she gets his watch with her free hand and imme- 
diately recovers.) Oh, pardon me. The excitement has 
been too much for me. (Slips zvatch in her bag as she 
crosses to Bud, who is L.) Good-bye, and a thousand 
thanks. I wonder if you would let me kiss you? 

Bud. Would I ? Well, try me. ( Takes her in his arms 
and kisses her. While he is doing so she takes his pin from 
his tie. Bud releases her, but retains her hand.) You 
musn't go like this. Let me see you to your hotel. 

Countess (going up stage). No, I prefer to go alone. 
There must be no gossip, you know. 

Bud. You must let me see you again. I've been dream- 
ing, about you ever since that day in the park. Won't you 
give me something to remember you by? 

Countess. Yes, keep my husband. (She is at L. U. E., 
about to open door.) 

Maxwell (seeing her about to escape, makes a desper- 
ate struggle and breaks the cords, snatches gag from mouth.) 
Don't let her escape. I tell you she is a thief. She's got 
your watch (to Chuck). She's got your pin (to Bud), 
she's got my bankroll. Seize her ! (Chuck and Bud dis- 
cover their loss. They look at Maxwell in amazement. At 
the cue, "Seize her," the three men turn upstage in her 
direction, but halt almost immediately, as the Countess 
whips out revolver from her bag and holds them back, her 
other hand on the door.) 

Countess. And I've got you covered, Maxwell. Stand 
where you are ! 

Curtain. 

(A quick curtain, raised again immediately, to shozv the 
Countess off and the three men staring at each other. 
Chuck down R., Bud down L., Maxwell upstage with 
his shoulder against the locked door, L. U. E. As curtain 
drops a second time, Bud and Chuck fall limply into chairs. 
Maxwell comes C, his hands on his hips, looks disgust- 
edly at the two boys.) 

Maxwell. Well, you are two darned boobs! 
Second Curtain. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



DENISONS •:»-■" 
\5\UDEVILLE 





De 
VaudeVi 015 939 jSTS " 1 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 

Nearly all of these sketches were written for profes- 
slonals and have been given with great success oy vaude- 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
very funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments; however, they con- 
tain nothing that will offend, and are all within thj» 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to " try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, 
U mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that Is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2m„ 
1 f. Time 20 m. Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Kose 
Lark must marry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for 
Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Sample interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper, with "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is Tnistaken for the critic. Fun, 
jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 
1 f. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park all 
night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit. .» 

HEY, RUBE I— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton ;°1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way he tells of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

IS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of 
his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Wime about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Full of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 6 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER STEW.— A rapid fire talking act, Oy Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKI.— Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He has troubles every minute 
kfaat will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Barry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 
abont 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking- act, which is fat with funny Limes 
•ttd rtoh RH hits that will be remembered and laagfeed over for weeks. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min. 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min. 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
*jreat Pumpkin Case, 30 min... 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In ? 20 min ..... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.!.. 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min ... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min ... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 1 5 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min. . . 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. . 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min ..32 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min .3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

' Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min ... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min. . . 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min.." 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled' by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 ■ 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 1$ 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min. . 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A ffreat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denison's Catalogue. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



AUG 19 



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 25 cents each 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching: 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

AH Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues.dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Young Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrap-Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 



DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games, for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletlde Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOHS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches.etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St„ Chicago 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



015 939 484 



